Sunday, January 06, 2008


The thing I struggle the most during this winter is if I should go to work. I need money badly and I also need rest and some free time to do the things I like and have no time to fulfill during regular study terms. The two sides hold similar weight, which make me very difficult to make a decision. In order to make a final decision, I examine people who live around me to see how they lives are. They can be roughly divided into two categories. One insists in hard work, and another advocates an easy life.

My aunt can be a symbol of the first category. When I told her I would like to find a job in the first day of the winter holiday, she was cheered up by this idea. She quickly suggested, “They just need workers during this season.” The “they” she mentioned here is referring Chinese supermarkets where I used to work before I attained the college. Her suggestion is acceptable but certainly is not the best option. Even though one of my friends said, “You can easy to find a better job now since you have studied in the college several years.” However, my aunt never considers things in such a bright way. She always sees the darkest side in the first. Nevertheless, I understand her thoughts deeply. People as my aunt have experienced too much difficulty. They tolerate and accept many things, including something whenever you think about that you will feel chilly and trembly. Is it a noble spirit to tolerate and accept everything? I know I cannot make a judgment. For something and some situations, except to accept them, we have no other alterative at all. However, while the things are changing and the situations are improving, do we still need to proud of the sufferings? I need money but I also expect a better choice. The fate that I am hesitating about it implies that the situation of mine is still not absolutely terrible and I may have other alterative although that is really a little.

Some of my ex-coworkers belong to this category too. Whenever they meet me or talk with me on phone, they ask me what kind of job I am doing. When they find out I am free in the weekend, they are surprised, asking why I don’t go to find a part time job. I emphasize that I need to study during weekend, they respond me a smile and silence. It implies that my action is considered a kind of laziness from their eyes and they show an indirect criticism for it. They are really hard work creatures, using every minter to earn money. I believe many years later they will have big houses and expensive cars while I am still in a poor material standard. They may laugh at me, but I will think from another point of view, perhaps there is something that they lack for but I am rich about.

In contrast, my mother and my husband encourage me to take a rest during the winter. My mother is the person who always spoils me. I remember in my twenties, as long as I had a slightly uncomfortable feeling towards a job, my mother allowed me to quit it. Once, she even encouraged me stopping working in order to enjoy the winter and the Chinese New Year. While my grandfather was very unhappy about me for sleeping late in the morning, she never blames me about the bad habit. She explains it like this way, “The weather is too cold; why don’t you lie on the bed longer?” My mother has no strong desire of life. She believes that it is important to make life easy. I inherit this life style from her.

My husband doesn’t require me to go to work either. My husband definitely is not the best person in the world, but he absolutely is the best one for me in the world. He is not too smart but just smart enough. He is not too capable but works hard enough. He understands my dream and desires, as well as my sorrow. He always respects my opinions and decisions. Someone says good couples should first be good communicated friends. This statement is appropriate to us perfectly. Sometimes I feel I cannot be completely satisfied by him; however, when I make a rational thinking, I have to admit that he indeed is the best choice of my life. He may not provide me a rich material life or he may be a burden for me due to his language problem as a new immigrant, but I truly believe that he will give me his true heart and love. That is very important to make me feel safe and happy in my entire life. When I discussed whether I should work, he said he believed that it was not necessary, but the final decision should be up to me.

My classmates from Taiwan mostly don’t go to work during the winter. I think they lives are a kind of normal live although there is no way to say what an absolute definition of a normal live is. My friend Ting goes to Buddhist temple sometimes. She introduces the place to me because she guesses I may have an interest in Buddhism. Indeed, although I have no willing to involve into any certain religion, my interests towards Buddhism is increasing rapidly while I am taking Zen courses under Professor Sukhu.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home