preparing for CPE

I have spent several half day to read CPE reading material again and again. the topic is talking about the econoic thoery of Adam Smith. I read it words by words, write summary for each paragraph. I really feel difficult and confuse for some pionts but I can never give up. I sent a email to one of my classmate who is going to take this exam in this semester too. She told me that she is going to pay for a private tutor to help her to understand the text and write summary. I don't believe that is a right idea to me. I wish a high GPA and great grades but I do not really want them if I cannot reach them after I already do everything I could do. Result is not as important as they imagine. Easy work and high salary are not absolutely means a good life. Although after staying America five years and used to experience some very hard work, I still believe hard work have some positive aspects. If someone only live in easy in entire of their lives, they couldn't understand what most people are suffering is.
Even in weekend, I don't have much time to complete my plan. I usually go to cook at 4 o'clock. My aunt cooks in weekdays, and she always complains that she hates cook. Thus, since I stay in home all day in weekend, I have no excuse to deny. I like cook and aways make food tasty. But I worry about the time. I wish I can live with my mother. My aunt shows her kind to me and she is indeed treats me very well. However, I trully understand this kindness is not from nature. She thinks she should treat me good, then she does. She always does many things that not from her willing. For this reason, I can't figure out if she is really like me or not. I am plagued by this question deeply. I have lived with her five years, I wish she understands some goodness of me and likes me from her heart but not only an obligation. Because I keep living with her not only for a financial consideration or she is a relative but I hold the dream that we will love each other one day.