Have a daydream at night

I finished the midterm exam of the Oriental Study course. I feel it is good, but I don’t how the professor thinks about my answer. There are two other exams at next Monday and Tuesday. I don’t have time to take a break.

The exam on Monday is for the Culture Anthropology course. This is the most difficult one of all my courses. There is no teacher’s note available; I don’t understand some required articles well; above all, there are only maximum two and half days before the exam. I have to leave half day to study the other less difficult exam. Because it is easy, I wish I can get an A+ on it. So I still need to pay a special attention on it.

Yesterday I met an old classmate of mine. When we talked about the exams, she said that she was taking seven courses this semester, but she didn’t have as much exams as I had. Probably I am unlucky this time. The midterm season was as a final exam season for me.

I am thinking about what courses I am going to take next semester. It’s really not easy to make a decision. The problem is due to my history major. I have to take around four heavy reading courses every semester. Obviously, it should not be easy for an ESL student.

I have chosen the difficult way for my own sake. I even dream to pursue a master or a Ph.D degree in the history major. Compare to achieve my ambitions, find a good job or have a comfort life are meaningless. I ignore all the utility goals. Never want to major in the library science or accounting.

Getting a master or Ph.D degree is still meaningless. Only because they are almost impossible to me to reach, I urge to do that.

Sometimes, I feel I am going to entire a vast desert alone and dream to cross it one day. I may die on the half way and lost all my efforts completely. However, I can never persuade myself to give up. How can I image, living a permanent house in a crowded city, working with valueless paper work many years, and earning plenty of foods and drink on the kitchen table. I doubt one day I will turn to be a pig, though there is no difference between the human and the pig.

Since there is not difference between the human and the pig, there is entirely boring in human life, why don’t I do something challenging? Let me died on the half way, I expect it, although I have been in the richest country in the world, where many people dream to come. They dream to come to produce offspring here and consider that is their ultimate success.