I study the religion---Zen Buddhism, but don’t believe in it. I know the reasons I don’t believe, but I am not clear about why I possess a constant passion in studying it.

The fundamental theory of a religion is to offer spiritual remedy. First, it points out some universal symptoms and claims your illness. Next, it stimulates you desire to prevent the unwanted outcome. Finally, one becomes a follower of this religion, a being without an independent soul. 

For me, I ask nothing from religion, I don’t need religion to rescue me from this life or this world. I accept the secular world and everything I encounter here. I neither want to train my thoughts or emotion, nor expect a happier next life. If I have the fear of death, I let it be, same as I have the longing of youth. I don’t want artificial peace, a man-made outcome. If I cannot see suffering equal to happiness, I let the bitter feeling natural grow, mature and die. But I indeed gained the understanding that sweet experience is not necessary superior than suffering experience.