Very difficult to make the decision

I changed two courses after the semester started. An extra fee should be charged, but I was forced to make such a poor decision. Today was the first day of the European history course. In the class, the professor told us that she would require two exams, two 8-10 pages papers, weekly essays of this course. She announced if you want to drop, go ahead. The reason probably is because in those previous semesters many students dropped after the first class. I dropped it tonight and added a LCD course, introduce of language.

Yesterday I dropped the Chinese course and changed to the Oriental Study course. The Oriental Study course is about East religions.

I didn’t well design my courses this semester; in fact, I made them mess. I wonder if I can survive finally. Although I may discuss my situation with my husband and close friends, the final decision has to be made by myself. During the lately days, I have been suffering by it a lot. I wish all my courses go well since tomorrow.

The last day of the winter break

Today is the last day of this winter break. I went to Flushing to buy two notebooks. In a Korean store, there are many very beautiful notebooks and folders. I love them for their colorful covers, flower partners on inside papers, and the high quality of papers. However, I rarely buy such kind of items due to the high price. Anyway, plain notebooks may better for class use because a fancy notebook probably causes a student who doesn’t concentrate on the content but the forms. The notebooks I bought today were two dollars each. The covers are simple white-and-black partner.

I got a little bit nervous for the new semester. I have registered two history courses, two anthropologies courses, a Chinese course, and a library science. I dropped the writing intensive course a few days ago because I felt I really couldn’t stand it. I got an extreme pressure from it even the course didn’t start yet. I thought the problem over and over many days during the winter. After I dropped it and took an anthropology course instead, I was completely relieved. Beyond this semester, I need to stay in college four or five more semesters for graduation; thus, there is no problem that finishes the total three writing intensive courses requirement later.

I’d like to do English writing as much as possible. However, I have to consider my ability, time, and other real existing factors. The history and anthropology courses require a lot of reading, which means I cannot put much time on the writing intensive course only. For anther reason, I don’t have relatives and close friends checking my English papers. Although the college offers writing tutors to students, the appointment time is limited as one week one hour, and I cannot obtain enough help from here.

I speak with my father on phone every week in Chinese; ironically, the question he most concern is how my English is. My father’s knowledge of English is limited to the 26 alphabets; my mother’s is less than him. I feel my parent know nothing but require me always. I wish they can understand learning languages is how difficult for me.

Practice calligraphy

Today I stayed in my room a whole day to practice Chinese calligraphy. I have done it several times during this winter. I enjoy doing it very much. I have been studying it more ten years. It is the real career of mine, and I think I will keep do it in my entire life. In fact, all the other jobs I have to do are for earning a living. After the new semester starts, I won’t have leisure time to do such things to indulge myself.
At night, I prepared the questions of the interview of the citizenship. The questions themselves are not too difficult, but for some words, I have to practice to speak them correctly. I still have one month to do that, so I am not too worry about it.

Think about the writing intensive course

There are a few days leaving for the winter break. Some students go back to school to conduct Financial Aid office, buy textbooks, or do other things. The campus gradually gets noisy. While the new semester is approaching, my anxious is increasing as well. Last semester I successfully finished English 110; thus, I have to take an advanced English writing intensive course this semester. For this course, I have changed my mind several times. The reason is none of an English writing course is easy for me. In addition, if I expect a decent grade from it, the situation turns even more difficult.

At first, I took the Eastern Religions course, but when I acknowledged the professor always gives tough grades, I dropped it. Then, I took the American Study 101 as a writing intensive course. However, after I found out that this course is going to study American literature, I was worried if I could handle it well. I have been very hesitating about this course after I registered it. Today, I finally made a decision and dropped it. Instead of taking it, I have registered the Comparative Literature 102. I knew it is not easy at all. However, unlike the American Study 101, which is only a writing intensive course, this one fulfills two college requirements such as a writing intensive course and one of Liberal Arts & Sciences Area Requirements. Since I never can avoid a difficult course, why don’t I take the Comparative Literature course? I don’t know what will happen in the semester, as a beginning of every semester. I can only wish having a little more good luck.

Help my husband studying English

My husband quitted his job half year ago for concentrate on English studying. His pervious job is as a salesperson. It’s not a tough job on physical level, but it indeed contains large pressure. My husband told me, before signing a construct, one must check it very carefully and avoid any mistake. Sometimes, a tiny mistake on paper may cause huge damage when it worked later. He had to deal with all kinds of people, including bosses, managers, collogues, and customers, regardless they were nice or tough. From my personality, if I dislike anyone, I would not feel like to talk with him or her. I guess it’s impossible for me to be a good salesperson.

However, as talking about studies, I have more experience that my husband. I have required him writing five sentences everyday as practice, I said I would help to correct them, but he couldn’t keep doing it. I asked him to take some tests in order to push himself study hard, but he refused to do that, either. He fears to make mistakes or loses his face. I understand his concern, though I certainly don’t agree with it. He often claims that he has studied a whole day, but nobody knows how the result is. Probably, the only result is the face that he has put his face in front of an English book a couple of hours. I made such critical guess because after him studying English half year as a full time student, when I asked him write simple sentences, he answered he couldn’t.

I have provided another suggestion to him. It’s making a monthly schedule and writing down what he does everyday. Because you have to write something to fill the blank, you may be forced to do more work. When he heard my proposal, he said, “Woo, it’s not easy!” I explained to him, “You don’t do excess work, but just write down what you do, leave a record. You can keep the records and after a year, you will find out your effort and improvement.” Finally, he agreed with me and said he’d like to try.

I wish I can see the real improvement of his study rather than listening to his explanation or excuse.

Wandering to the most remote place in the world

I got my hair done yesterday. I got the idea to do it from a couple of months ago. A friend got her hair dressed after she gave birth and introduced me a hairdresser whom she was satisfied. Because I was busy during last semester, I decided to do it in the winter. Another reason stimulating me to do it at yesterday was one of my classmates invited me coming to her house for a party. I thought why not I got my hair done before going to a party if I needed to it anyway. It cost me six hours to do that, but my hair looks very straight now. They said my hair can keep such effective within one year until the new hair grew up.

I like my new hair style but the party disappointing me. The friend told me it was a family party but it was indeed a meeting for business. After we had a simple dinner, we were arranged to listen to one and half hours lectures about selling some produces. I have been hearing such thing many years and have refused to join it always. I felt bad that I finally sat here and had to listen to something out of logic. I don’t mind to do anything new in order to earn more experience but, in this case, they tell us something ridiculous as if all of the audiences are foolish. For instance, they claimed that one can earn $3600 per week even though he or she has no education background or poor communicate skill.

When I discussed this with Joseph, he felt bad for my experience and said, “I only believe a doctor can earn such money due to many years education.” I hold same opinion with him. Again, they adopt the statement “Everybody wants money” to tempt people. I really want to tell them that I rather want a successful career or a happy life than be rich. Joseph is only 19 years old. “Random” and “Wander” are two words that he loves the most. I think that represent his personality and age well. Under his influence, I have discovered that I love the word wander also. Wandering to the most remote place in the world could be a wonderful dream for every young people.

Today I met Joseph at the ESL center in Flushing at 1 o’clock. While we were staying here and waiting our friend Candy, some students came to talk with Joseph. For some new immigrants, it’s not easy to find a chance to talk with a native speaker. Some of they pay English speakers for practice speaking. After Candy came, I asked candy what she liked to study today. She answered that conversation was a way to study. I had to agree with her. In fact, we certainly had fun within our conversation.

Celebrating a friend's birthday!

Susan’s birthday is same and different from mine. Hers is on January 16th, and mine is on November 6th. Both of them can be represented as 116. Today we have celebrated her birthday with four friends in a vegetarian restaurant. Susan is a Buddhist; in some days she eats vegetable only following by the Buddhist rules.

Joseph and I met at 11 am, one hour before we would meet Susan and another friend. During the time, we bought a cake and a bouquet of flower. I paid for the cake because Joseph said he would pay for flowers. We went a flower store on the Main Street after we got the cake. Joseph wanted a bouquet flower for Susan that should not be common. We picked out one that contains some lilies, roses, and five or six sorts of other flowers which I couldn’t name them. The color of the bouquet is rich such as red, pink, white, blue, and purple. The price is $28, a relative high price. Usually, the boss will give customers a discount in order to satisfy them. But when she saw a man and a woman go together, as us today, she understood it was an excellent chance to make an excess profit and firmly refused to cut down on the price although the fact was not as she assumed. At last, Joseph said it was worth paying such money for a lovely lady as Susan.

When we meet together at 12 o’clock, Susan was surprised that I bought a cake for her. She knew Joseph would buy flowers to her; they discussed it before. Susan introduced her friend to us. She is Susan’s tutor and a Queens College student as well. When I looked at her face, I thought I have seen her wherever. She recognized me also. We figured out that we must meet at the college Media Center; when I worked here, she came for borrowing laptop computer sometime. It’s nice to discover that, and we felt much more comfortable to stay together.

One of the dishes we ordered was called Sesame Chicken. They are not real chicken but made by beans. The “chicken” was crisp and sweat, attaching on many sesame seeds. Their color was dark red. Food with such a color stimulates me having an appetite. After we have finished the meal, we ate the cake as dessert. We put candles on the cake, singing happy birthday song to Susan. People next table seeing the cake slapped their hands and sang the song along with us. We asked Susan made a wish before she blew off those candles. I asked Susan if her wish was having a baby this year. She tutor interrupted me, saying to Susan, “Don’t tell her your wish before it comes true.” I asked Joseph gave Susan a birthday kiss, but he hesitated to do that. He responded to my suggestion as “It should be a rights and pleasure gives her a kiss on my birthday.” Susan’s face will turn red whenever she eats some spicy foods or drinks some hot drinks. At that time, she is so beautiful. Today, we saw her lovely pink face again.

We have taken some pictures during the lunch by my camera. Today night, I have sent those pictures to them. I wish them enjoying those pictures and have a wonderful day.

About studying in the winter

Because I have registered four heavy reading courses for next semester, I made a plan to read some relational books in the beginning of this winter. According to my plan, during the one month break, every day I have to read a hundred pages, studying ten sections of grammar books, working on my English and Chinese blogs.

Every two or three days going to the town is necessary to meet friends or buy some daily items. I spend time to call my Chinese friends as well; basically, the international phone call should not be ended within a couple minutes. My father told me he put telephone next to his pillow at Saturday night in case I call him in the Sunday morning. Since I know this situation, I feel it’s a duty to call him on Sunday morning in order to please him.

My father is an outgoing person, unlike my mother, she never saying miss me although I know how she does, if he wish I called him he would speak out. My father enjoys dealing with people. More people surrounding him more happiness he received. He often invites friends coming home for dinner but leaving all the cooking and cleaning jobs to my mother. Despite making troubles sometimes, my father has a much attractive personality than most of us normal people.

I practice calligraphy and make seals one or two times a week. During a formal semester, I just don’t have time to do that to my heart’s content. I read several Chinese novels in the beginning of the winter but do no more about that. There are few interesting Chinese novels in the Flushing library; most of them are old and without free thoughts. I am interested in many traditional projects and thoughts; for this reason, I have been seeing as an old-fashion person. I am indeed such a person and couldn’t deny it. However, I rather absorb new ideas and take critical thinking than accept anything only because everybody agrees with it.

Given such heavy task, I feel busy everyday during the winter as if I was not in a break. I try to slow down but I wonder which job that could be cut off. Every book and job are necessary for a good preparation of the coming semester. Let me think about it carefully then make a decision.

Join the public library programs

This afternoon I came to join a Chinese meeting in Flushing public library. It’s about seven writers introducing their new published books. They are from a Chinese writing association, and all of them are not professional writers except a newspaper reporter. The common chrematistics of them are in old age and enjoying in writing.

Perhaps, some of them are retired. They have a plenty experiences of lives and enough free time to write. Being a writer probably were a childhood ambitious of many of them. However, making a living in a foreign country is not easy and they had to put all their time and energy to deal with it in their early years. Now, they finally get the chance to do something they really enjoyed. They are writing for fun. In their writing, we see much of details of their common daily happenings and personal joy and sorrow rather than discussing big or serious issues such as political or countries.

I enjoy such discussion. When I stay among them, I am inspired by their passion of loving life although I cannot praise their achievement in the literature too much.

When I was a teenager, I used to stop doing anything for the reason I felt I couldn’t do them perfectly. However, when I grew older, I realized that I have to something real in spite of the imperfection. Being a low level is painful, but if you did nothing, all your passing time would be described as empty. The fact should be even more painful experience that could drive you crazy.

I have been joining every meeting and discussion which take place in the public library as long as they fit my schedule. In spite of the fact many of them are not in a high academic level, each time I have learned some very useful knowledge and opinions from those common people and their experience. Someone said you can learn from every other person. I believe the statement is absolutely right. It’s also the reason I like to make new friends as more as possible. This is a same principle that I’d like to join communicate groups. I expand my view when I listen and talk with them, and gain experience vividly. In contrast, if I choose stay home alone, I may not completely shut off the door the current society but only learn some second-hand information from books and mass media.

concerning about the American Literature book

I still could find the book of Heath Anthology of American Literature when I checked again a few days ago. A librarian said this book probably missed, but I’d rather believe somebody hid it in somewhere in the library. Under this poor situation, I picked another American literature book instead of it. It’s better to read something than totally giving up.

Watching moives in the Media Center

Yesterday I went the college library and tried to find a book, “Heath Anthology of American Literature.” Before I left home, I checked online for the call number and made sure it was on shelf. But I couldn’t find it when I checked at the certain place on the shelf. I asked a librarian for help. He patiently went the place to do a double check, but he couldn’t find it either. He sent me to another librarian who was in charge of reshelf books. She made another check but still couldn’t figure out what happened about this book. She suggested me going around the library and tried if I was luck that I might find it in some place. I didn’t think it a good idea because it might waste my half hour for nothing. I gave up and decided to go back to check two or three days later. At that time, they may reshelf it.

In the afternoon, I have watched a movie in the Media Center. It’s an old white-and-black movie. The name is “A Wonderful Life” I have searched many hot movies from Internet and plan to watch some of them during this winter. I don’t have a big interesting in movie, but I’d like to cultivate myself. It’s a major American culture. I wish I can enjoy it even more while I watch more movies. In addition, watching movie is a good way to practice the listening skill of English. I love any chance to improve my English.

A regular day of the winter break

According to the policy of CUNY, every student has to take three writing intensive courses to fulfill one of the college requirements of the graduation. I am taking the American study as one of them in next semester. Today I have checked at college bookstore on line and found the text book of this course is “Heath Anthology of American Literature.” I have been loving literature since I was very young; however, I become to fear of the word “literature” in college studying due to literature books are much difficult to understand in comparison with common academic readings. I turned to worry about if I could handle this course well. I checked our college library and found it stores this book. I will go to the library to borrow it tomorrow and start to study it as soon as possible.

Yesterday, my Chinese history book which is listed on half.com sold out and today I have shipped it. Unfortunately, tonight, when I checked my next Japanese course, I found one of required books is a book named as “Brief History of Chinese Civilization”, the exact same book I shipped off today. I just couldn’t believe my eyes. How does a Japanese course use a book as Chinese history? It’s unbelievable and crazy. Even though the professor insists on using this book, I won’t to buy one anyway. I already read this book this semester and had some idea about that. I believe I can pass.

I ran into Joseph in Main Street the noon after I walked to the public library. It seems as if he had nothing to do and was wandering on the street all day. I often meet Joseph on MSN and he always has much free time to chatting. I wonder how he has too much time to waste, of course, I understand he is nineteen. I try to recall what was my concern when I was nineteen, but in my memories, I am always worry about the losing of time rather than having a plenty of time to lose. After meeting me, he followed me to go to the library. When I was talking with the librarian whom I knew before, he stood behind me. The librarian smiled to him, and I guessed she might believe Joseph was my bf.

I asked if he had any plan to do today. He said he wanted to buy a present to Susan. We discuss this issue during last time we met. Joseph told he’d like to give Susan a bunch of flower, but Susan was worry when she took it home, her husband would mad about that. She prefers a necklace or earrings, “So I can keep long time.” She explained like this. I think both of them are good ideas. Joseph thinks Susan is as beautiful as flowers, so flowers are the best suitable gift. We suggested Susan lying to her husband, but she refused. Susan is a pure and kind person that completely different from most of our ugly people. I will lie sometimes and consider other as ugly as I could. Later, I accompanied Joseph to a Korean store. He bought a pair of earrings and a necklace, both of them are in pink. When Joseph was paying for them, the shopping assistant smiled to me as if the reason that he made the business was because of me. It’s funny.

An A on the college English writing course

I got an A at my English 110 course. I am extremely excited by the result. I have never imaged that I can have an A for an English writing course. I know how the level of my English writing is clearly. I only formally study English two years. In addition, except having teachers and tutors in college, I have received little support from my relatives or friends. All of them all speak Chinese with me and cannot provide anything help to me the English writing. I feel sad about the situation. I am often very jealous of my friends who have husband or close friends whom are native English speakers. However, on the other hand, I cannot abandon my husband for him knowing nothing about English. I always try to offer a paradise to him since he married to me. I never want to see he feel a little bit pain or hurt due to what I do.

I have bought two English grammar books a few months ago and made a plan to study them during this winter break. The two books are in a series. Their name is “Grammar in Use”. One of them is for intermediate students and another is for advanced students. I am studying the easier one this weekend. It is very useful. I have solved many grammar points which confused me before from studying this book. I get the confidence that if I keep studying, I may write good English papers and making grammar mistake free one day. The only problem is I have less twenty days for free studying but there are a plenty of plans need to finish.

In spite of the hectic schedule, sometimes I waste time to do some useless things for no reason. Perhaps just being for relax or lazy, I blame myself lacking of the ability of self-control. I call my friends and gossip with them over one or two hours, surfing on Internet for no purpose within a couple hours. When my friends ask me go out, I push away my books immediately.

I put my used books on half.com and sold three of them that resulting of a fact that I have to go to post office again and again. One of my close friends, Susan, she is going to take Computer course next semester. I have the books of this course and told her I’d like to sell them to her. Lately, when my husband knew that, he thought I should lent books to her rather than sell. I disagree with his opinion. My husband is a traditional person, he will be very embarrassed when he has to discuss money with his friends, but that certainly not means he is generous; in fact, he care about money much more than I do. As all the old-fashioned people, he believes face is the most important thing in his life.

In my opinion, if I sell books to Susan, both she and I will feel easy. I bought the package by one hundred and thirty dollars, and I try to sell it out as eighty dollars to Susan. After she finishes her course, if she keeps these books in a decent condition, she still can sell them out around fifty dollars. I believe making a business like that is acceptable. In contrast, if I lend books to Susan, she may feel that she has to do something for repay that makes things become complex. There is always an invisible balance between any friendships. Why don’t we make things simple?

Meeting friends

My computer cannot connect to Internet several days. Although I don’t have any very important things need to do on it, I feel very inconvenient about that. Perhaps, most my contemporaries and I used to Internet and depend it mentally.

Consequently, I cannot work on my blogs. A few friends read my blogs regularly; if I don’t post blog in a long time, I worry them will be disappointed. I certainly don’t want such things happen. Thus, I decide write journal on Words now; then, when the Internet service works, I will transfer them to my blogs.

My winter break enters it third week. During the passed two weeks, I didn’t make much effort on my English study. I read Chinese novels, poetry, write several essays in Chinese, make stone seals, and practice calligraphy, which are those things I most enjoy in the world.

In spite of the fact that I bought an unlimited international telephone card for this month, I don’t spend much time to call my friends. Most of my phone calls are for my husband and parents. I left China over five years; although the friendship between my friends and I are my treasures, I feel I gradually lose much interesting topics in common with. Most of my Chinese friends don’t understand English, even though very simple words. However, I yearn for to use most of my time to practice and improve English. I feel unhappy about that, but I know it is a native process, and I have to accept it.

I went out eat with Susan and Joseph this Thursday. Joseph is Susan’s friends. They are not lovers although Joseph loves Susan very much and dreams her often. The problem is Susan is a married woman; she depends on the financial support from her husband for a living. Susan is unwilling stay along with Joseph only in public, so she always asks a few friends go together with them. Susan is a lovely woman, and everybody praise her using this word “pure”, I agree it as well. In contrast, Joseph is much more complex and profound in spite of his very young age, 19. I have had no negative opinions toward him anyway. It’s not my business.

I went a bar with Jenny last Saturday. I told Jenny I never go to a bar and don’t know how it is before. Jenny promised she would bring me to try one day. That day, she called me and we went to a bar at 10 pm. There was not too dark inside, and the music was not too loud compare to what I imagined. We stayed here a couple hours. At 1 am, Jenny called Xiyong and asked him to join us. I wondered his cell phone might turn off, but he came to the bar within ten minutes. We left the bar around 3 am and walked to home. The next day, a friend told me, “I saw you in the Main Street yesterday 3 am.” It’s so funny than I rarely went out at night, especial this time was I first time staying out until 3 am, but somebody found me.

I should study now

I will start to read my books from this week. I will I can finish my plan.