Monday, September 25, 2006

I miss my kind supervisor

I feel sad that nobody comes talking with me. the kind supervisor didn't come from last Friday and this Monday. I miss her. I cannot write email and say I miss you to her. People always say somebody not true but keep their true idea in mind. My classmates seem cold. In the history class, the American students are luck than me because if they pay attention in class and take notes, they will pass exams easily. However, I spend too much time for this class, reading text books again and again, collecting information from internet, arranging the possible answers. the reason is that I lack the English ability to take a complete notes. untill now, I still worry if my prepartion doesn't cover all the class information. My cousin asked me if I can borrow class notes from somebody. I don't know whom I can ask for because I cann't see even one smill face here. I know it is true that I'm not good so others treat me bad. I don't know how to change my socialbehaivors in order to make more friends or be more popural. I always study along. Staying campus ten hours a day, I may speak a few words only. I wish talk to somebody, talking will release the blue mood. I wish I get over tomorrow.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

preparing for CPE

I have spent several half day to read CPE reading material again and again. the topic is talking about the econoic thoery of Adam Smith. I read it words by words, write summary for each paragraph. I really feel difficult and confuse for some pionts but I can never give up. I sent a email to one of my classmate who is going to take this exam in this semester too. She told me that she is going to pay for a private tutor to help her to understand the text and write summary. I don't believe that is a right idea to me. I wish a high GPA and great grades but I do not really want them if I cannot reach them after I already do everything I could do. Result is not as important as they imagine. Easy work and high salary are not absolutely means a good life. Although after staying America five years and used to experience some very hard work, I still believe hard work have some positive aspects. If someone only live in easy in entire of their lives, they couldn't understand what most people are suffering is.
Even in weekend, I don't have much time to complete my plan. I usually go to cook at 4 o'clock. My aunt cooks in weekdays, and she always complains that she hates cook. Thus, since I stay in home all day in weekend, I have no excuse to deny. I like cook and aways make food tasty. But I worry about the time. I wish I can live with my mother. My aunt shows her kind to me and she is indeed treats me very well. However, I trully understand this kindness is not from nature. She thinks she should treat me good, then she does. She always does many things that not from her willing. For this reason, I can't figure out if she is really like me or not. I am plagued by this question deeply. I have lived with her five years, I wish she understands some goodness of me and likes me from her heart but not only an obligation. Because I keep living with her not only for a financial consideration or she is a relative but I hold the dream that we will love each other one day.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Writing Blog make me feel good

I have recived a letter from colleg which inform me to register CPE. I am surprised about that because I will get complete 45 credits only after this semester. Maybe nobody wants to take this exam, so colleges always ask students taking it as soon as possible. Since I got the formal information and the situation is very clear, I registered it immediatley without hesitation. The time is three weeks late. I downloaded the reading materials, studied with to e-tutoring, and emailed my friend who is going to take CPE this semester also. I always wish to meet her and talk with her a while but since meeting in last semester classroom, we don't have chance to meet yet. I believe this is a good chance that we meet together and discuss CPE. I don't like that I always stay with somebody, in fact, I prefer staying alone. However, sometimes I wish to talke with friends. Talking with somebody can make me feel relax. I have to go back to study, also, I must emphasize that writing blog is one of the best ways to make me feel good. Bye, pink tear.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

a smilling face

I feel tired those recent days. In the morning, I talk to myself, "As soon as I return home today, I will go to bed immediatly." However, I never turn my promise to be ture. After I return home at night, I always need to read some books to prepare the next day classes, and also, some class notes must be arranged in today rather than delay to the next times.
I have spent too much time to write the summer of the Buddhism in Chinese history, the book for the first history exam, I turned to hate it.
Yestoday, in the history class, the professor announced the day and time when we will go to museum. I did write down the information, but I am not sure. I think it's important to make sure becuase even 1 hour mistake, I could miss the visiting. I asked a girl who sat beside me, but she was unhappy to reply me and her voice was loud and impolite. I felt bad of that. I knew I should not let such things to bother me, but sometimes I cann't control meself and keep feeling bad.
We meet some unpleasure people sometimes, but kind and friendly people are far excess them. My friend comes to library visit me each time I work there. My co-workers and supervioer like him too. I am glad to see his young and smilling face. I don't know what the goal of my life. I only want to enjoy every today.

Friday, September 15, 2006

a raining day

I really have a big stress from my college study. Sometime I believe that I already have a basic English skill, but when I try to read some texts from my history class, I can understand half of it. I don't know how to cope with the following exams. How do I write essaies in class time if I even cannot understand it. I spent two whole days to finish the reading. How can I have another extra time to reread? Time is a big problem. If I have enough time, everything could be possible. But, it couldn't be true. I always struggle with time. It's hard to get help from others. Some times friends or relatives offer helps, but I cannot really use them. I talk with my husband, but he doesn't understand how serious my situation is. He believe I can always have As. How is the As come from? Perhaps writing journals is the best way to release myself from the stress.
I feel so tired today. Becuase this is a friday, I asked one of my classmate to go to have a cup of coffee before went back home. I talked with her and felt relax, maybe alsobecuase the coffee and the sugar. I very much better at last. I gradually have had some friends in NYC which is the wonderful and very important thing for me.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Working at the college

I get fun from working at th college. I working in the college library Media center. My job is to check out or in laptops to students and offer some regular help to the. I don't have any stress from my job. If anything happen, I just say, hold on, let me report to my supervisor. They never say something bad or treat me cold. I have made a lot of friends over here. Some of them are very friendly, they talk with me, so I can practise English, which is the best thing for you. Since I work here, I feel my English is improving a lot. I have to stop now, I am leaving, I will write this topic again.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I dropped the geology course

I am not very luck since I came back this summer. The air plane delaied almost seven hours on the Beijing airport. I had to stay in a hotel in a strange city. When I arrived home, I was notifed by the college that one of my favorite course, art hitory, Chinese printing, was cancelled without any reason. I had to chooce other clase instead of it. The well arranged time schedule was broken and the possible choice was limited. I took the Anthropology 104 late which is talking about language and is tough. After one week study, I found that since I have two lab courses, my class hours are much more that regular five courses time length. Especial for the Geology class. There are separate exams from lecture and lab time. And plus some extra quizzes, homework, I felt that I impossible hold it anymore. I understand if I drop it, I have to face the problems such as sell these books, pay the transition charge. I really don't want to deal with they, however, the big pressure of this course made me ignore those troubles and I decided to drop it immediately. I took the Chinese 350 instead. I don't have a big interesting to study Chinese modern fictions and short stories, but I chose it in order to leave time for other difficult course. I believe everybody could do something unavoidably. I recall this afternoon when I talked my concern with the professor of the Geology class, she said she could understand my serious situaion since I'm a new English user, but I have to make decision by myself after all. At last, she said, good luck. Hearing this phrase, I knew I was going to face trouble or difficult time soon. It's really a interesting phrase, good plus luck, but it indeed implies a negative situation.

Monday, September 04, 2006

An old classmate

Wang is an old high school classmate of mine. After somebody told me that he became very popular in the recent years, I keep paying attention on his social action. Yesterday I found a interesting happening about him. According to the news paper, many people knew that Wang and his two partners met the American president Bush in the white house a couple days ago. The topic of the talking was about religion. However, a piece of new was released late, and we found that another man who was belong the term and should go along with Wang to meet the President but be excluded. The fact was that Wang told the White House he and his the other two parnters would quit if the man was including in the meeting. He made the decision for the host that who was the welcome guess and who is not. Since the side of Wang had three people that was a obvious majority, the White House gave up and the meet went throught with Wang's hope. Everybody are asking the reason. the explanation was gaven from Wang after the meeting was the man is a polical man who would talk some unpleasant and unacceptable polical topics in the meeting, but, for Wang, the meeting should be only about religion but could not allow to mention the sensible Chinese current political issues. Someone argued that the topic of the meeting was not only for religion according to the original plan of the White House. It could be others such as human rights. I understood that the material live is important to Wang, in fact, so as everybody. He had to do someting to protect his job position, safety, and family since he would come back China and keep liveing here. He didn't want the Chinese government believes that he was a same political man as that man. He didn't want to take the risk to seat together with the man in front of the world. He might quit in silence but he absolately didn't want to lose the great chance the show himself. Base on these background, he made the odd decision and forced the man, a parnter in his term, to quit. Before this event, I always told others that I have old classmate his is very famous, but right now, I knew, he is just famous but is not as respectful as we expected.

Sunday, September 03, 2006


I lost another blog of mine, and I still don't understant why. After two months vacation, I came back U.S. My regular blog is going well, but the other one which I wrote about my love cannot be open now. When I try to type the address, there is a empty page only. The system even doesn't tell me that the address can't be found. I guess that somebody deleted my blog. Maybe they dislike what I published.
I have a extreme pressure from my current college courses. In the Anthropology class, we will study about the language in a academic degree. In face, since I cannot speak English well, I have a fear about language. How about if the teacher require us speak in the class very often. I want change a class, but problems are still exist. first, I aready brought the textbooks of this course. I may return these book to the book store or sell on ebuy if I drop it, but a part of money must lose; second, I don't have too much choice in the rest avaible course. In fact, if there are many easy and interesting classes, I didn't take this one. Thus, I have to face the difficult and totally strange course. I stay in my room all the weekend and use all the time for reading. I get the pain of eyes. I give myself forty-five minutes a day to paly computer games. I rarely contact with friends becuase I afraid that they may ask me go out to eat or movies. I certainly don't have the leisure time to do that until end of this semester. The process of studying English is painful, but I enjoy it somehow. I deeply understand that many people are jealous of me for the chance to go to college.