Thursday, November 30, 2006

Remember all the good things

Yesterday night I went out to eat with my friend Jenny. These is nothing to celebrate; I just want to have a break during this heavy study period. We went to new Chinese owned restaurant, but it serves Western style food. The light was a little bit dark here, and the place was not crowded at all. Althoug most customers were Chinese, our town is a Chinese community, an Amercian girl were singing in a corner to match the whole style of the restaurant. Jenny was excited by the envirnement. I felt good as well. During the dinner, both of us talked that we wanted to change to a new life style, but none is able to achieve tha goal.
While I had to return my aunt's home, I felt that is a place as ice room. Perhaps, other's homes always the ice room for another. I complained to my hushand and claimed I would move out immediately. My hushand didn't know how to comfort me. He wish I wait when he come next year. It will be the best excuse to move out, otherwise my aunt will feel unhappy, so as other relatives. I understand, but it is really not a please experience.
I listed all the kind things my aunt have done for me on a paper and put on the wall. It works! I find out that my aunt did so many things for me. She applied me coming to America. I have seen many people around me who are illegal residens and suffer alot. My aunt cooks for me every night, when I get home, there are hot food on the table. She constantly brings food to home from the hotel where she works, and then I bring those food to school as lunch everyday. One things I am especially touched. when I worked as a cashier and had to come back home very late, she came to pick up me every night. If she couldn't come, she asked my cousin instead her. I only kept that job one month because I really couldn't stand what she did. It too good to be accepted.
Maybe I don't like my aunt's life style in some degree, but I should ignore that and remember all the good things she did. Probably the reason she treats me good is because she wants I treat her son good in the future. Except herself, I am the only relative for her son. She wants we help each other in order to have a more solid and better live in the foreign country. So I decide don't mad to my cousin anymore, at least, in front of my anut.

Monday, November 27, 2006

the weather is cool

I didn't go out the house four days during Thanksgiving holiday. It was really not a good time for me. This morning I had to get up at 7 o'clock and return to school now. When I went out, I found the weather was cool. Woo, I got a feeling probably a good day was begining.
When I stopped by into a teahouse and had some hot drink on the way to school, I met my friend's boyfriend. We talked a while. He is a nice young man. I always feel better after I talk with some nice people.
While I was working in the Media center, everything goes well today. My colleagues talk with me, so as those students who come to borrow laptop. I believe my live will become better without my EVIL cousin. Even Emma said he is looks evil.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

I rather write blog by myself

An even worse thing happened after I cried two time one day. My old computer was broken. I consulted to a computer gengineer, he said for the siuation of my computer, there is nothing to do excepte reinstall the system. That means all my documents lost. The fainl exams are approaching, but I lost all my files. Althoug I have sent some of them to my email and printed out a part of them, I still have to spead time to redo the rest of them. I feel so bad for the terrible. I feel so helpless, at that moment, I miss my husband so much. I need him. However, I have to solve my problems by myself, have to face my cousin, my homework, and these final exams.
I called one of my friends this morning and wanted to get comfort from him. He talked about his problem half hours before he asked me how is my live. I lost the interest to tell him the truth of my life. Everyone is busy and has his own problems, who will really care about you?
I cannot call my mother either. I should only tell her what good things happen around my life. I think about my friends, but none encourages me to talk. I rather write blog by myself.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

a event of the fianl paper.

I feel extremely bad today. I asked my cousin to correct my final paper. He has a master degree and used to be tutor for others. Now, he is waiting a job that will start at this December and free at home. I don't mean that he is my relative and he is free so he should help me. But he may help me, don't he? As other people's relatives and friends do. I don't often ask him to do anything; in fact, I only ask his help one time, for this paper, in the half year. This afternoon, while he read my paper, he started to say I am too lazy and pushed my own job to him and so on. His words were so severe and I just couldn't bear and started to cry. I can't deny I'm a weak person, especial at that moment. However, I don't know how to make myself become strong in this point. When my cousin first found I cried, he felt sorry and began to comfort me with soft words. At night, we kept talking about my paper. he, again, blamed me seriously, I cried again. This time he got mad. Maybe he thought I used that attitude to agaist him while he was helping me. I am really not, but I just could not bear in that situation. He said, "You just don't want to learn anything from me." and left.
I ran to my room and called my husband. My husband never never acts as he did today. When he heard what happened, he said, "you guys always argue. This is a tiny thing. You will forget tomorrow." But I won't forget tomorrow. I will remember forever.
I don't know how to face my cousin tomorrow. I wish I can leave his home. (I live with his mother and him in their family.) I looking forward one day when I have enough income, I will live alone and won't see anyone whom I hate.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I basically finished my research paper.

The final history exam will take place at Dec, 12th. In the the same day, I will take another exam that is from my computer calss, Access. There is only a ten minute break between them. The final exam of Anthroplogy will be Dec, 18. I wish I have enough time to prepare them.
Since tomorrow, there are four days off for Thanksgiving, but I can only stay at home and study. My anut may cook some good food on Thankgiving day, but we won't have any further celebration. I am looking forward to the winter holiday.
I basically finished my research paper for my English class. It is certainly a difficult experience for me. I jsut couldn't write because this is a research paper but I have done little research. It is not because I am lazy, but I realy don't have time to do much outside readings. While I was writing, I told myself, "keep writing, whatever you write but just write down." If I worry about the quality, I cannot even finish one page of it. Yesterday, we had a peer review about the paper in the class. One of my classmate carefully corrected my grammar throughout all the seven pages long paper. Although the goal of the peer review is focusing on organizaion and context rather than the spelling or grammar mistakes, I still appreciate what she did for me. I feel warm and happy about those kind people around me.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The research paper of English 110

I have to finish the research paper within this week. Next Tuesday will be the day of peer advise of it. If I don't finish before the day, how can I do the peer advise. I don't have time to do the necessary research and reading even though I have to. I cannot read English fast nor understand it very well. Sometimes, the siuation forces you to make a poor decision. My classmate, Susan, is so wonderful. She has finished those Englsih writing intensive courses as English 120,140,150, and all got good grades as As and Bs. I wish I can do that but I certainly don't have a confidence about that.
My English class is so boring. I was so unhappy before going to the class yesterday monring. I told myself, I had to think some good things in my life to cheer me up. I searched in my head hardly. Finally, when I thought I would meet Susan in that afternoon, I got a feeling of sweet and warm. I turned feeling better. I really like Susan. She is a truly noble lady whom much nicer than me. I am dark in my heart, but she is pure, bright. You can never expect that she will do some bad. My teacher and classmates like her also. I am happy about they like her.
My husband sent a picture to me. This is a picture of myself, but this is the best image of me in my life. I rarely get good effective pictures. Both my husband an I used it as the background of our computers. I don't know when we will change it, but I enjoy it right now.

Monday, November 13, 2006

full of smile in eyes

Emi, I know nobody is going to read my blog except you. Becuase you read it, I think I should not write something too bad. Becuase you are here, I do not write my blog for myself but also for you. However, sometimes when I am disappionted by something happened, I really wish to speak out.
People treat others good becuase they have to. If they get chance, they will treat someone as cold as they can. If they won't have any interaction with them in the future, or they cannot get any advantage from someone, why do they treat they nice. They surely believe others will stay in a lower level from themselves forever. Equal never exists in the world in spite powerless people always dream about it.
My English teach often askes us to read articles in class. In the begining, each student read one paragraph. After one or two times, she figured out foreign students cannot read it correctly. Then, she only askes American students read. Once, there was a very long article, after all the American students got a turn of reading, there still need someone more to finish it. none of foreign students read, and some of American students got second chance to read it in ordert to finish it. I hate reading becuase I indeed have a very bad pronouncation. However, in the very siuation, I preferd to try. Any way, other Chinese students' pronouncation is much better than me. However, in that time, all of us seem turned into an isolating group and kept in silence. When I glance at those talking American students, I wondered if I saw smile fulling with their eyes.
I asked my hushand how did he think about that. Did the teacher do a thoughtful action to take care of us or is it just prejudice? My husband said, he thought she is probably prejudice. The answer is surprised me because I usual assume others wores than they certainly are, my hushand always assume others better than they are. But this time...
Anyway, when I speak out these unhappy encounters, I feel much better right now. A friend told me, "Life has to go on!" Perhaps there is only one thing is fair, when you are in happiness, the time should not stop; when you are misfortunate, time will keep go on, all of them will disappeared. This is a wonderful explanation that really makes me feel good while I am in a bad time.

Monday, November 06, 2006


Yesterday I went to QQ at middle night. It was Sunday night, I knew I needed to go to bed, but I got a feeling that I couldn't fall in sleep as usual this night. I 'd like to meet my old friends in 116. As expected, I have met almost all my friends who are in my QQ list. I feel so happy about that. I chatted with Jin one and half hours. He has a very attactive personality. I like to talk with him. His smile and voice are attractive as well. He was just broken with his girlfriend. He said, "It is interesting. I cannot feel little pain for losing her. She said good-bye to me first, but I have to comfort her with some words at that moment. " He is a strong man, I believe.
I know someone is luck in way to find a husband or wife, but for somebody, it is probably extremely difficult. so as him. Several of my female friends have this problem either. They have the willing to find lovers and are not fool or ugly at all, but why they have to stop in the single condition so many years?
There is nothing special today. Working in the morning, taking a break on noon, I also have a computer class and an anthropolgy class at afternoon. It's not a bad schedule today. Since I did bad on the two exams on my Anthropolgy class, I feel I have turned to dislike this course. I really don't what is the best why to deal with it. However, I understand I shouldn't have that against emotion toward it. For my own benefit, I need to control myself and find out a better solution.

Friday, November 03, 2006

One B and two B-s

I have received a B- on my Anthropolgy 104 mid-term exam; I am so disappointed by that. When I had the first bad grade, I thought I would study even hard to get a better garde next. I certainlly spent much time to do that, but the fact is I got a even worse grade on mid-term exam. My English ability limits me to completely understand all the class material. I cannot image how it will be on the final. However, I have to confort myself like this way. B is OK. After all, it is not a C, and F also be given to somebody sometimes. I see a good future from my As, but perhaps I can never have a bright future anymore and the second chance is not a real thing.
I finally made a decision taht I won't take the winter course. I don't want pay six or seven hundred dollar for one course. I would like spoil myself, reading Chinese novels, writing journal.