Thursday, April 27, 2006

Asked many questions in the Chinese class.

I asked a lot questions in the Chinese class. It's very funny that when my professor didn't know the answers, he said, hold on, then ran out the classroom. After a few minutes, he brought several large dictionaries came back. I can figure out what he knew and what he didn't know. I asked the difficult questions that didn't becuase I tried to any bad things, but the reason is I really want to know the answers. I value the time that I can have a teacher. After grandpa died, ten years I couldn't have a true knowledged teacher. It's a very grief thing for me.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Why do I need to write blog everyday

I have slept 8.5 hours yesterday night, but I feel tired now. I need to finish the tirth essay this week, and the fouth next week. Also, I still have no ideas about the final exams of history and sociology. I certainlly have a boring life. Why do I need to write blog everyday? Ho, I saw a very funny fime yesterday because one of my friends told several days before. When I called my husband and talked that with him. He said he alreay watched it. He always acts like this way that never intrducting any new and funny things to me. But when someone told me, he will say, ho, I have known. He is a sort of person who don't know how to find out the interesting thing in life and enjoy life.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

My English professor is not a very friendly woman. I can only say she is OK. She didn't do anything bad, but I feel that she is cold rather than helpful. Too much things need to worry about while the finally exams are approaching. Even if go back home is so exciting, it still cannot cheer me up. I don't know what will happen if I cannot pass ACT within two year. Do I have to leave college? Always too much difficult. I studied Chinese this afternoon becuase I don't have any imformation for other classes.

Monday, April 24, 2006

the beginning of a tough month

Today is the firday come to school after the spring break. I had a wonderful spring break, and I almost forgot what is the school life. However, after one study, I felt big stress from study again. I will take the ACT writing test again in May 15th. I must pass it this time becuase I will come back China and cannot take the summer class. However, how can I say must. I never say must in my life. My essay of a story in the English class is not good as formal essaies in the same class. My teacher like something about love and sex, I don't have such kind of story.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Why don't we see literature as a play

Today is the last day of the spring break. I had a wonderful break during the last ten days. I met friends which I rarely see because I am very busy in the regular school period. I went park, deperment store, and eat at nice restaurants. I enjoy community programs in the public library. We talk about books, current events, and history. People always have debate over there. I seldom express my own opinion becuase people always want speak rather than to listen; thus, I leave time to them who like to show off. Listening different opinions is a pleasure to enjoy life and think about our culture. I love to join them on Saturday morning or afternoon, but forget it as soon as I return home. My life can never change from these literature or culture programs. Under the title of literature, authers and readers always have a bigger interest in politices instead of pure literature these. I have little interest of politices because I disagree the idea that literatue has a main duty to influence social life and politices. Why don't we see literature as a play? We don't need feel too serious of anything. I worry about the following month becuase I think I may very short in time in the final exam season. If I can have a reasonable time, everything will be all right.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The function of lie

My husband talked with his boss about me in the dinner last night. His boss was interested that the American life of mine. My husband told him I was perfect in English and I am studying in a major of history in a famous American university. He emphasized, “She has little interest in those popular majors such as business or accounting; she wants to be a scholar or college professor.” His boss showed his amazing about that and they had a wonderful time that night. When I heard the details of their conversation, I asked my husband why he intended to be a liar. I am poor in English that making my very hard to make a living in America; until now, I still didn’t pass the ACT English test yet. In the early years there, I used to be a dishwasher in Chinese restaurants and a cashier in supermarkets. I have little saving because I always cannot stand long in these dehumanized hard work. Realizing I have to change my social situation, I entered into a community college. The tuition and basic expense of mine are all from government financial aid. I bring lunch and water to school in order to save money. I never travel beyond New York City and rarely go out to eat. Being a scholar is my dream, but I clearly understand that it cannot become true in this life. My life is simple and boring. I have no extra money to buy many clothes and go to beauty salons; consequently, I am impossible to look very nice. However, my husband said, “Nobody really cares about your true life.” The point is that I am in America, and they needed a nice, happy topic, a dream of upper life in their dinner. Both sides of them needed a lie. A lie could cheer up feeling and warm ambiance. I have to agree with his words. However, it’s very difficult for me to accept the idea that lie is better than truth even though everybody acts like this way.

Truth is not always good

My husband told me that he have had an informal conversation with his boss in the dinner yesterday night and the topic was about me. Then he told me the details of their conversation. When his boss knew that I have been America, he asked my husband how about my life and work. My husband praised me that after graduation from a well-known Chinese University, I entered a American college currently. When the boss asked if I was already perfect in English. My husband said, "Of cause, she was graduated in an English major in her former Chinese University." he added, "Her current major is history. She wants to be a scholar or a college professor but have no interest in any popular majors such as business." I was surprised by his words. I didn't good study when I was a student in China, and I still didn't pass the ACT English test yet. After I came to America, for earning a living, I used to be dishwasher in Chinese restaurants. Until now, I have litter saving because I can't stand these dehumaninzed hard work. When I realized I have to change my social situation, I entered into a community college two years ago. My life is so simple and boring; I bring lunch and water to school in order to save money; I never travel beyond New York city and rarely go out to eat. I couldn't be a scholar this life althoug it is indeed my dream. I wondered why my husband lied. he told me that nobody interests in your true life. In a particular siutation such as the dinner, people want to hear something nice, happy, want to enjoy a wonderful dream of upper life. This is the function of lie and truth is not always good.
I don't know what I can say about that. Maybe he is right.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Full points

I got full points in my Socioligy mit-term exam. I am excited by the great grade. I remeber I only had one experience to get full points in exams in my life that was in my first year of the elementary school. The lovely spring break will begin from tomorrow. I already finished today's classes and had a wonderful feeling. I cannot stand to stay in the library anymore. I like to go to parks where full of full blooming flowers while the sunlight is still bright; I wish go to seashort to watch the sunset and see the colorful cloud gradually turns dark; I want to wander in any well decorated deparment stores at night; finally, I love to return home under the sky with stars.

Monday, April 10, 2006

cold winter water

I believe this is first truth in the universe that life is suffering, but why everybody doesn't want give up? Buddha listed a set of things such as living with unpleasure, separating with pleasure. When one try to commit suicide in the winter, he or she may fear the water in the river is too cold to step in. If this life is disappionting, why most people have desire for next life. Do they really believe the next coming should be perfect? I don't think so. Wherever you move, whenever you are, something never change.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

As Cherry Blooming

One through being prepared for death every morning and evening, expects death any moment.
I loved this sentence somehow. However, I can only follow the strength of softness to life.

Do you never want to do any bad thing

Common people always dare not to kill others even if they want. The reason is that there are law and moral control in societies. However, we are all cheated by the moral codes. If I kill somebody, I will feel a sense of guilt. but I should not. History have developed by countless slaughter and murders. After somebody committed big enought crime, he would enjoyed the richest in the world, held unlimited power, and he marked his name remarkablely in the history. Only somebody did small bad things, he would be pronounced guilty. All the pass sunk except some people who stood up from blood and bead bodies. The later generations study the life of them because they were our ancestors. How they killed people became the theme of human development. It is not a new idea; Zhuangzi have told us two thousand years ago. This is so pity that nobody listen to him. People continute love their leaders, respect the leaders as pure and upring examples. Most people in their life long do not ask themselves why and how of their lives, but accounce them are this kind of people with pride, " We love life; we have fun;we work hard; we produce children for next gerenation."

Sometimes, we do not need as serious as that.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Listening the light rain

I try to finish the book report of Wild Swans. It's a very boring and long book. The author thought her family story was complicated and wonderful enough, but it was just for herself. I used to plan to write a book about my family; I believed that the experience about my grandparents and my father and my uncle should shock anybody. However, when I have read this book, I think it is not necessary to write a family story as hers or mine. It is really nothing special, all of our life is just common. One should very brave then can be a great writer. The auther dare not to write any truly bad thing. It's also possible that her mind didn't reach a deep thought level. If her idea equals mine, what I can learn form her writing? I enjoy the small things in life, but I dislike any shallow mind. Although I agree that she had writen five hundred pages long novel in correct English, I have to say this book not only cannot offers some profound political opinions, but is a boring literature work.
I know can only write my true opinion in a private place but not on my academic paper. I have to say something positive of the book to fulfill the assignment. I wish I can.

Friday, April 07, 2006

You are not fish, How do you know the happiness of fish

I finished all the mid-term exams. as soon as something finished, all the painful memory disappeared immediately. I may disappionted by bad grades, but I really do not care that too much. All the current life is an extra for me, I have nothing to complain. When I heard that my Chinese professor said the sentence, "You are not fish. How do you know the happiness of fish", is his favorite, I was excited. I cannot have more communication with him, but in this point, I very happy that he could understand. I also like that life is suffering, the origin of suffering is from attachment.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Today is April 5, but it is snow

The test which I have perpared a whole week is just right now. I don't have a general idea of Japanese history that make me have less confidence of the test. When I answer the questions about Chinese history, whatever I write, I know it should not make a big mistake. My supervise borrowed a moive to me and it looks fun; I finally will get a break tonight.

Monday, April 03, 2006

I only have two days to study for the quiz, but I don't want study it now. Let me take a break. Shu Shi said, even if in front of a battle, why not take a nap first. He is a very smart man and knew how to understant a particular siutation and envirnment.
My dear professor gave us a poem today in class. It's a simply poem and easy to understand, but it provides us a very lovely picture. In a sunny summer day, country road, there were little kids and father,the sounds of they were laughing and talking seemed coming to my hear. It's a so pleasure to enjoy poems. It's a example of a percious small detail in life which I really loved.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Life is boring

The due of the quiz of East Asia history is this Wensenday. I just finished reseach and started to try to memory them. It has seven pages, but I have only three days. In the three days, I also need to keep regulare class and work. I'm not lazy, but it is really too much stuff. I know another reason is my English ability is weak, so I need to spend several times time to study compare the normal Americal students. Even if I cannot finish it or cannot get a expanded grade, I do never want complain myself. Life is boring.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

A short rain in the afternoon

This is a quiet saturday afternoon. it was rain half hour ago, a very short rain. staying home and listening to rain, I feel I don't need anything also. I told my one of my best friend, " One will get more free if he has less material desires." But he didn't believe me. Eeverybody has different goal of life. I cannot understand them, so as they cannot understant me. If you separate from a person whom you love, you may want make a phone call to him; a short phone call may not satisfied, so you may want constantly talking to him; words are repersent nothing, so you may want a hug. What is the end of desire of human?
There is only suffering in the world, and according to Buddha, even if one died, he is not guaranted to escape the circle of suffering. I never hope any bright future but only the peaceful now. I do not wish anybody but myself.